The next few days after that Saturday were, not unsurprisingly, very quiet as far as communication between Marie and I were concerned.  After all it was Christmas, a family time and I was aware that you were all going to Paul's parents for the Christmas period.

I did have this notion that she may have called just to let me know that everything was OK after the severe trauma we had all been through, but nothing happened.

I let my curiosity get the better of me and tried to call her mobile phone a number of times but it either just rang or went straight to the answer phone.

When this happens time and time again then one becomes suspicious that it's not really bad timing, but someone ignoring you.  Considering what we had been through I thought I deserved a bit more than that.

Of course it made me think as to why I was being ignored and one of the many scenarios I had come up with was that Marie thought I had betrayed her in the way that I had arranged with Paul to 'deliver her to him' that Sunday morning in London.

And I have to agree that this is an interpretation which could be placed on it.  However given that I was convinced Marie wasn't thinking clearly during that time, I believed that I was doing the right thing, not only for her but for you as well.

 Well maybe a couple of weeks went by and still no communication, so I decided that I would confront the situation head on.  I don't like uncertainty or things left hanging in the air, especially where close friends are concerned, so I drove up to Kenilworth to speak with her direct.

Marie and I have never really had a disagreement before and as friends and lovers of many years I expected that we would be able to put this episode behind us and talk it through, each understanding and appreciating the others position.

However after I had driven the hour and a half to get to Kenilworth I was greeted on the doorstep with a very frosty and aggressive reception.  It will serve no positive purpose to recall the conversation here, but after 15 minutes of discussion on the doorstep I was returning to my car for a drive back to London again.

I did try to contact her again because paramount in my mind was the knowledge that you would shortly be leaving for America.  After all the good work that had happened in the previous year, to start introducing me to you and playing just a small part in your life, the last thing I wanted was to lose contact with you altogether.

Well over the next two to three months there was no contact at all.  I did manage to speak with Paul a few days before you left for America, but it was rather a cold conversation and it left me feeling a little disappointed that despite my efforts to build bridges between us, and especially after the episode before Christmas, it clearly wasn't going to happen.

I suppose it was a couple of months after you had gone that I received a letter from America. Without opening it I knew it was from Marie.  I can remember picking it up from the floor and feeling the thickness of it, to try to judge what kind of news it may contain.  I figured a thin letter wouldn't be very good news but a thicker letter, containing more pages, might somehow be better .  It was thin.

I walked up the stairs holding the unopened letter and said to myself 'This had better be good'.

I really had arrived at a place in my mind where I had reached the end of my compassionate patience.  To make amends for the way in which Marie had treated me for exercising what she thought was bad judgement, required only the merest of acknowledgements that everyone is human and everyone, including Marie, makes mistakes from time to time.

What the rights and wrongs of the situation were, now had absolutely no consequence whatsoever.  What was important for me was that a very happy friendship which had lasted for 12 years or more had apparently been terminated because one friend (me) was deeply distressed about the state of the other (Marie) at a particularly traumatic time and did what they thought was best.

Well I got into my flat and opened the letter, which was a single page and had no address in America or any contact details at all on it, but it was clearly from Marie.

It explained that she and Paul had discussed with you the situation regarding me and that you had endured quite a lot in your life over the recent past.  They had decided with you that it would be best if we stayed out of contact until such time as you wanted to get in touch with me, when they would of course let me know.

I can't say that I was surprised by this, but one thing has remained with me since then.  Marie finished the letter by signing it 'Marie' and then putting a single kiss (X) under her signature.  Maybe I was reading things into that single kiss that weren't there but it has always puzzled me as to why she would do that.

Was she trying to give me some indication that all will be well at some time, or was it absolutely nothing at all ?

Well whatever it was, I wasn't going to waste any more emotional time on something which, for the immediate future at least, would not be playing any part in my life.  I was in London, you were somewhere in America and even if I did know where you were there would be little point in me trying to contact you as I had no legal access to you.

I was confident that at some time in the future we would meet again and have a relationship with each other, and I truly look forward to that time, but at that particular moment in London there was no possibility of it happening and no need to hang on to that letter.

Within five minutes of reading it (maybe even less) it was ripped up and placed in the bin.  It told me nothing and there was no reason to hold on to it.

I had this overwhelming feeling that ultimately everything would work out, but from that point on I was destined to play the long game and wait for you to come to me, wherever I was.